January Blues.

Well hello February, where did you sneak up from? January has to be the longest month of the year, after Christmas and New Year, January seems to go on forever, well for those that did dry January it probably did but for me it's been about old emotions coming back to bite me in the ass! Having MS for me makes me want to sometimes just bury what I feel and pretty much just say right, come at me!! January has been not only a physical and mentally draining month but also emotionally draining too. The cold weather doesn't help, I ache, I constantly feel cold and just feel fatigued all the time. Exercise does help, especially Body Combat as it helps me blow off some steam which I definitely do need but it's taking more effort to get that get up and go feeling going.

I know what keeps me going is my constant ability to feel positive, to feel and embrace the optimism, this year for me was about closing old chapters and writing new ones, I have spent the last few years focusing and accepting my MS and basically saying, 'I may have MS but it doesn't have me!' It never will but doesn't mean it's not there constantly in your ear. I've been focusing on my munchkins and just finding out who I am, concentrating on the rainbows but in doing that, I've also buried a lot of stuff too thinking that sadness and grief makes you weak, thinking I've always got to be strong. What I've realised, after a lot of tears this month is that sadness, grief, anger doesn't make you weak, it's the dealing with it and accepting it is that makes you strong. After viewing a Face book post about Emotion and Logic, I realised emotion does play a part a lot, I'm guilty of letting emotion influence my reactions, my thinking. Sometimes when I know I should be thinking with my head, I let my emotions take over, although, I am after all a fiery Sagittarius but mostly when emotion is involved all logic goes out the window!

I stumbled across  this quote today, for me it rings true but it's something that I'm working on and once you actually know what it is, it is no longer a weakness. Like MS, people may perceive you as weak, or less important or damaged but that's not true, we are warriors, we are fighters! MS can make you emotional it can hit you like a ton of bricks some days but what's important as that we just face what ever it brings and let it go! So yes, this year is about new chapters but in order to start them you have to stop re-reading old ones as they're not going to change, all they seem to be doing is re-building the walls you're trying to knock down!

So yes, MS January has been a pain my arse but here's to February, you're one step closer to spring which equals sunshine!


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